Today I cried on the inside because I have came to the understanding that my husband does not have the ability to think ahead about the future. Sure he is a pretty intelligent person otherwise, he is well liked at work, and everyone thinks of him as a rather upstanding individual, but when it comes to planning for the future of our family he is at a standstill.
We have been married for almost ten years and in that ten years we have absolutely accomplished nothing besides making babies. We have no savings, we have no plan for raising the children, nor do we have a plan on how we are going to help them go off to college once they graduate from school. We still live in a 2 bedroom apartment with three children. When I try to approach him and tell him that we need a budget in order to start saving for a downpayment for a home, he agrees to it but when it comes down to the planning and the execution he is not willing to commit. When I tell him that we need a rule guide for the children to follow concerning the chores and just daily living in order to become good citizens of the world, he agrees with what I say but once again when it comes to the execution, I am left standing on my own. I don’t understand the reason behind this because when he is at work he is very competent and decisive man. He usually makes the right call but in our personal life he tends to defer to other things instead of what is important.
I don’t know what to do. When I try to tell him how I feel I look at his face and stop short of telling what is really in my heart because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He does not think that I care about him because we arew not as close as we used to be but, I really do care. The fact that I feel as if he places other things and other people before me as his wife has really put a damper on the relationship. How can a woman keep her sanity when she is married to a man whom she cannot trust with her truest emotions, her deepest feelings, her greatest wants and desires in life, her true self? I don’t know what I am supposed to do so I did what I always do. Today I cried on the inside and tomorrow I will do the same.
